25 February 2013 - 5:46 pm

Frazzled

I was going to write this post at the end of last week, but wound up too frazzled to. Plus, I had a fun announcement that I wanted to make, and let’s face it, we’d all much rather read something like that, right?

But I want this blog to be about my writing journey, and a part of that is talking about the stuff that makes writing hard.

Right now, my health is rearing its ugly head again and playing havoc with my ability to write. My energy is fraying and I’m struggling to get writing done on my usual commute to and from work. Sometimes I just need to nap; other times my brain just can’t cope with trying to be creative or even reading text. I often write posts for this blog on the train (once my weekly Starwalker is done), and that’s a struggle sometimes, too.

Part of it is most likely caused by the amount of things I have going on right now. There’s the Writer’s Asylum to organise (taking more steps in this all the time!), and the Writer’s Retreat is ticking along in the background too (which I have to chase up soon). I’m currently scoping out costs so I can put together a crowdfunding campaign to get Starwalker published over the next year or so.

Then there’s the non-CFS health stuff that is getting in the way. I’m in (albeit mild) pain and discomfort at random times most days, and that is wearing me down, too. I’ve got some exploratory tests coming up to track down the cause (and investigate a dodgy diagnosis I had about 8 years ago). They’re going to put me out for the tests, which I’m not looking forward to (I have an unhappy relationship with anaesthetics and have no idea how I’ll react to being knocked out completely), and that plays on my mind from time to time.

I’ll be very glad once the next couple of weeks are over, because the tests will be done and I’ll hopefully have some information to move forward with.

In all of that, I’m entering the final chapter of Starwalker’s initial story. I have the pieces I want to play with in mind, but I’m still juggling the logistics of the chapter and I’m not entirely sure how it’s all going to pan out. I want to do the story justice. I want to upset the apple-cart. I want my readers to hold on for the ride and be grinning (and maybe crying?) at the end. I kind of want to write the entire end before I start posting it – to make sure I get it right – but that’s not how my web serial works. Nope, I’m going to just dive in and swim along, and see where it takes me. No retcons; I hate retcons.

I’ve had chronic conditions for a long time. I’m used to pushing through and refusing to let it stop me living my life. It’s getting harder to keep doing that, but I’m not going to stop yet. If I put my life on hold for this, when would I get it back, y’know? Damned if I’ll let it stop me being me.

There’s a lot going on in my head right now. I’m trying to keep up but it’s taking its toll. Wish me luck, and hopefully I’ll catch the upswing again soon.

2 comments

1. Francisco says:

   * Hugs *

   I hope that you’re feeling better soon.

   February 26th, 2013 at 3:44 am

2. Mel says:

   Thanks! Me too. *hugs*

   February 27th, 2013 at 8:51 am