Engage catchup

So, I had myself a little hiatus. Spent time with visiting family, moved house, settled in, got back to work, caught up with the backlog there, said goodbye to my manager, started training the new one in the wonders of technical documentation…. Yeah, it’s been a crazy crazy time.

Things are settling down a bit now. I’ve managed to find enough time to get back to writing this week. I’m sure that you’ll all be glad to know that a new Starwalker post is now up! (I just got done sorting it out and formatting it all.)

I looked at where the story was and decided that three weeks is just too long between posts. I’d like to keep the real-time aspect of it, so I’ve backdated the new post to be where it should have been, if I hadn’t gone on hiatus. My goal is to fill in the missing two posts as I go – I can do about a post every two-three days at the moment, energy permitting, so by the end of next week, I should be roughly up to date. (I’ll probably post them all at once, so don’t hold your breath, but there’ll definitely be at least one going up next Wednesday!)

I’m not sure when I’ll go back to my original schedule of three posts a week. I’d like to stick to once a week for a little while, build up some buffer (oh, how I miss it) and spend some time editing the Apocalypse Blog. I also have another couple of projects I need to find time for.

I’m still getting used to this new schedule and longer days. The CFS is not my friend right now, but I’m sleeping better lately, so hopefully it’ll remain manageable at least. Maybe even improve some. So while I like my return to hour-long commutes on the train, I’m still working up to being having enough energy to fully utilise it. Sometimes, it’s just too necessary to doze all the way home at the end of the day.

I look forward to the time when I can write a post in the morning’s commute, and do something else on the way home.  Edit, rewrite, plan plots. Who knows?

In other lovely news, Kylie Chan is coming to talk to my writing group next month! (Why does everything happen at once?) I’m looking forward to that, and hopefully a good-sized group will turn out for her. Fingers crossed!

Right, back to the grindstone. More catching up to do yet – if anyone is waiting on a response from me about something, I’ll try to get back to you soon!

Change of plan

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the past couple of weeks. Things have not been going well for me, and if I’m honest, I’m struggling.

There are a lot of reasons for it. Work is stressful and I’m constantly fighting to keep all the balls in the air there. I’m managing more people, more projects, and tighter deadlines than we’ve had before. I’m still learning what the hell I’m supposed to be doing half the time, and every time I turn around, the goalposts have shifted six inches to the left. We’re doing all right, we’re still on-track, but that’s only because I’m busting my ass trying to make sure that’s where we are. I like clear goals. I like to know what I’m aiming for. I do not like playing catchup, especially not when it’s someone else’s fault.

There are also family-related factors at play that I don’t particularly want to get into. Let’s just say that it’s another source of concern, but not one I can do anything about (which is probably worse) except be there for them. It’s frustrating.

And then, once I’ve dealt with all of that, there’s my writing. I’m falling behind with everything. Organising my writing groups is simple – a couple of emails a month each (I have two groups), turn up and pretend to be competent, and enjoy the company and conversation. Easy, right? At the moment, it’s one more thing that I have to worry about, and the other week I started to seriously consider stopping them. Or at least one of them. But then I go to a meeting and I love it. It’s so worth it. It’s the bits in between, sending out the emails and having it niggling at the back of my head, all ‘don’t forget about this!’ Those are the parts that wear on me.

Starwalker is going really well. I keep meaning to post updates on this blog, but it’s yet another thing that I just don’t get to these days. Last month, SW had over 1,000 visitors. As in, different people, all coming to the site to read it. One thousand. And the feedback I get is amazing. People are talking about it. They’re getting excited about the storylines, and attached to the characters. I feel so lucky when I see that! I look at the stats and the comments and I’m all: “Wow. People like my stuff.” It’s a lot to get my head around!

It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever written. I’m going to all these new places with it, juggling and adjusting things as I go to make sure it hangs together, trying to get the physics right enough to be convincing. So far, it’s all working great! I have all of these plans for it, so many avenues still to travel down. It’s exciting, but it’s hard.

I think the difficult parts aren’t entirely down to SW itself. It’s everything else that gets in the way. It’s shifting mental gears whenever I sit down to write, trying to put all the job-related and other stuff aside for long enough to focus. It’s sitting down on the train for twenty minutes at a time and trying to get part of a post down. It’s giving up three evenings a week to pull a post together, edit it into something coherent, and get it posted. And more than anything else, it’s the exhaustion.

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome – it is the bane of my life, once again. All of that stuff I’m juggling makes me stressed, and stress makes the CFS worse, and then I get exhausted and that makes it more difficult to deal with the stressful stuff. Fun, huh? It has been bad (and getting worse) for the last couple of months. I keep trying to take some time off, take a break, catch my breath, and that works in tiny portions. Unless it puts me behind with everything (which it usually does), in which case I have to bust my ass to catch up again, and I wind up exactly where I started – exhausted and struggling to keep up.

Last year, I set my sights high. I didn’t do everything I aimed to do, but I did most of it and I came out of it all feeling really good about how it went. This year, I didn’t set myself targets that were anything near as ambitious, I’m not doing everything I aimed to, and I’m still failing. A week ago, I had that thought, the one that says ‘something has to give’. I’ve been here before, looking at myself in a downwards spiral, and unless I change things, I’m not going to get out of it until I hit bottom and have to stop doing everything. That was five years ago, and it was a lot worse than it is now before I realised how close and inevitable that bottom really was. Funnily enough, the key stress- and frustration-factor then was my job, too.

That, sadly, isn’t something I can change. It’ll get better eventually and now is not the time to change jobs. I am in a really good position; the best one I’ve ever been in, professionally. I’m doing well, despite all the crap I’m handling. And more than anything else, I need the stability of that place right now.

And, dammit, I don’t give up on shit easily. It’s probably part of what’s made me so sick – I should have done this a while ago – but having dealt with chronic conditions of one kind or other my whole life, I’m stubborn when it comes to this kind of thing getting in my way. There’s a part of me that suspects I should take a proper break from all the extra things in my life – the writing groups, the blogfic, the novel that’s waiting for me to edit it, the Apocalypse Blog stuff that I promised to do this year. But even as badly as I’m doing right now, I’m not ready to go quite that far. Like I said, I’m stubborn about this kind of thing.

But I have to change something. I need some way to get back on my feet. Right now, I feel like I’m failing at everything, even though it probably doesn’t look like I am. I’m told that it doesn’t show in SW yet – but it will. A post was due up yesterday and I haven’t even started it yet. I’m so exhausted that it’s difficult to think straight enough to write this, let alone slide my brain into Starry and try to step forward with her story.

I’m not going to do yesterday’s post. I’m not going to force it and have it come out half-assed. It’s time to be realistic and cut back. I thought three posts a week would be easy, but when the CFS is this bad, it’s too much. I’ve been tossing around the idea of dropping down to two posts, but I have to be honest with myself – that’s not enough. I’m not going to stop Starwalker – mostly because it will be incredibly difficult to start again if I do that – but I am going to bring it down to one post a week. Take a proper breather in it. Not permanently, but long enough for me to sort the rest of my life out. I’m not sure how long that will be yet.

I don’t know how this will affect the real-time aspect of Starwalker, but I’ll deal with it if and when it becomes a problem. I still love the story and its characters. I’m still excited about sharing it with everyone. Hell, the other day, I was pondering an old storyline I created a few years ago and realised that it would fit into the SW world perfectly. My original planned plot just got extended by another story arc. I am still committed to making this story work and won’t let this CFS screw it up completely.

So there you have it. I’m not giving up, not stopping. But I do need to step back for a while. I’ll aim to post on Wednesdays, I think, because by the end of the week I’m usually so tired I can hardly see straight. I still have to look at the other things in my life and see what I can do about them. I need to fix some non-writing-related factors as well, like the exercise I’m not doing and how often I can’t be bothered to cook. They’re next on my list.  I have some time booked off work coming up, too, and hopefully that will help me get on top of things a bit.

Wish me luck – I think I’m gonna need it – and watch this space!

Reader’s forum open!

Due to popular demand (okay, about two people said they wanted this), I have set up a reader’s forum for my work. It’s fairly boney at the moment, but I’ll be trying to fill out config and posts over the next few days, work- and life-permitting.

This forum is a place for readers to discuss the Apocalypse Blog and Starwalker – feel free to go and speculate, give feedback, etc. There are also places to discuss writing and other fiction you all enjoy.

I’m also planning to run polls and offer extras on the stories there. First Starwalker one is coming soon!

So, go sign up, introduce yourself, and get chatting!

Apocalypse Blog Shorts

I have been pondering the idea of doing short stories in the Apocalypse Blog world for a while now. I’m definitely not ready to let go of that world and its characters yet – there are stories yet to tell, and I’m a storyteller.

But what, when, and who? These are questions that I’m throwing open to you, my happy readers.

The Starwalker planning is going well – there’s actually more spinning out there than I had anticipated, and I’m almost ready to sit down with a pinboard and a crapload of notecards. But I’ll save that stuff for another post. What all that means is that I’ve had a chance to start thinking about AB shorts and what I can do.

On the train ride home today, I scribbled down some ideas that have been percolating for a couple of days. Plans there for about four shorts – I’m not sure yet if they’ll come out as proper short stories, or just snippets that will make a story when read together (three of the ones I made notes on today are about Jersey, AB’s punch-happy little crossdresser).

WHAT – I see these as primarily character-centric stories. The things that happened when Faith wasn’t around. Retrospectives, telling the stories that happened before we met the characters. Also, current events are up for grabs (and future ones, possibly, depending on how much of a headache it gives me).

I’d like to explore different facets of the broken-down world. Maybe go into some of the background that the Seekers will never know about.

What subject would you like to see a short about?

WHEN – I have been thinking about a schedule. Knowing the way that I work, I am far more likely to do these shorts if I have a fixed schedule to post them by. So, once a month, I think. Let’s aim for the end of the month, in case I manage to get one done in the next couple of weeks and can get it sorted before February. No promises, but you never know your luck.

I hadn’t actually planned on doing 12 shorts, but after today’s little idea-splurging, I don’t think I’ll have a problem turning out that many. The main issue will be time.

Okay, no question on this one – most of it depends on everything else I’m doing.

WHO – This is a slightly trickier issue. I have a few characters that I know I can write about, and have some plans for. They are:

• Jersey and the Wolverines
• Masterson and his family
• Bree and the Pride.

I also have an idea for at least one new character, and am pondering a couple of the dead ones.

Who would YOU like to see a short about?

Suggestions welcome! Anyone whose idea gets picked up gets a cookie!

In the meantime, I’ll keep spinning out my plans and see what comes of it all.

Reshaping

I have been busy over the past week, so busy that this post keeps being delayed. On the one hand, I have a pile to do this month. On the other, I’m trying to take a break and catch my breath, before I dive into the next project.

My first task was to tidy up the Apocalypse Blog. As it was, it wasn’t easy for a new reader to catch up because the posts were in order from newest to oldest. I had put in links so that a reader could step from one post to the next, but finding a post in the middle still wasn’t easy.

So, once it was finished, I managed to find the right code to reverse the post order. The website now reads from start to finish, including the category/chapter links. Hopefully that will help make it more readable!

I also put a front page on the website, so I can navigate visitors to the right places. Eventually, it will have a happy little blurb on it – I’m still working on that part.

It’ll also have links to the e-book versions of the blog. I still have to figure out what I need to do for that – how many e-books to do, what formats, how to convert it. Luckily, I know of a handy e-reading forum that is chock-full of handy information about that, plus a writer friend who sometimes self-publishes her work, so I think I can get that figured out.

It’s coming along! Looking good so far, and moving towards being all tidied up.

It makes me sad. On the one hand, I’m glad to have finally finished. I have this complete entity now, an entire Thing that I can hold in my hand and say ‘I did it’. On the other hand, I miss writing it every day. It’s weird not typing on the train, or carrying my netbook to work every day so I can use up my commute to get a few hundred words down. It’s weird letting the threads of the story go and trusting it to the minds and imaginations of my readers.

I have promised not to stop entirely, both to my precious readers and to myself. I have ideas for short stories about the cast of AB, spotlights on the parts Faith didn’t get to see. When Jersey joined the Wolverines. Bree and the Pride. Masterson’s family. Maybe people we haven’t met yet – I have a couple of ideas percolating that might work.

I have been asked to do a sequel. I’m still reeling in the aftermath of the first one! At the same time, it’s incredibly flattering to be asked. I’m not going to say ‘no’ off the bat, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted. There might even be a germ of an idea lurking in the back of my brain.

Not this year. I have so much lined up, new projects to start and old ones I want to resurrect. And I need time to pull a proper plan together. I don’t know if I can do a sequel, but it’s definitely a maybe.

In the meantime, AB is just about tidied up. Work is going well – they just gave me an award for my efforts during September, when I had to take over the team leader role early! And a juicy bonus. Working full-time might be a huge drain on my time, but I’d by lying if I said it wasn’t worth it!

Starwalker is due to start next month. I’m pulling the planning together – I’ll post more about that soon. I didn’t get any feedback on the website, so I shall assume it’s perfect for now.

I guess I should set out my goals for the year soon too. I’ll get to it! Hang in there, my happy readers. It’s a shiny new year and there’s lots to fill it with.

Milestone: End of the world: complete

I have just edited and scowled and edited and tweaked and… made myself stop and post. The Apocalypse Blog’s final instalment has just gone live.

Wow. I say this a lot, especially at the moment, but: wow. I’m a little stunned to realise that I’ve made it to the end at last. I’ve been living with Faith and her adventures for over a year now, and it has been draining! Some of you have been with me that long as well, so you know what I mean!

I don’t know if the end came out quite the way I wanted it to. Or, more precisely: I don’t know if I pulled it off. I’ve had that image in my head for months, that last twist to let Faith’s story both finish and carry on at the same time. I hope I did it justice. Hell, I hope I did my readers and the rest of the story justice.

I’m going to do a more thorough retrospective at some point, but for today, I’m going to collapse. I’m going to enjoy this weird feeling of freedom and sadness, and be immensely proud that I got all the way to the end.

Some fun stats:

• Total wordcount: 344,295
• Total number of posts: 417

And to top everything off, the Apocalypse Blog has had over 1100 visitors this month! It has been struggling higher every month, and the previous highest was 903 visitors in one month. I have no idea how good or bad that truly is, but it has been growing and that makes me happy. I never dreamed I’d get over 1000 people to the site! Whoo!

Today has been a good day. Thanks to all of my readers and supporters – you are why I write.

Time to celebrate.

Forward thinking

With the Apocalypse Blog running headlong towards its conclusion, I have been turning my brain to the brightening question: what next?

Some of you may know that I’ve had another blogfic knocking around in my brain for most of the year. As often happens when I dive into something new, ideas clamour for attention. When I was getting into the groove of AB and loving it, I asked myself ‘what else can I do with this format?’ And an answer came immediately to mind. I have held off doing anything with that idea, because I wanted to remain focussed on AB and get that done before something else distracted me.

More recently, I’ve had another couple of ideas crop up, one with a story attached and the other more of a character and concept. These are both blogfic-type ideas as well. They’re not very well-formed, but one might take shape soonish if I have the time.

There are some other things that I have been putting aside in order to focus on AB as well. The post-a-day schedule really hampered by ability to get any other writing done, and the novel I wrote last year has fallen by the wayside. I’d like to get back to it, edit and redraft it, and start to do something with it. I also have a short story that I stopped halfway through (I can’t remember why – I think I hit a snag with it), and I want to get that finished too.

And because I’m a glutton for punishment, I am not quite ready to say goodbye to AB forever once the new year rolls around.

So, things I have lined up for the next year:

• Novel – edit/redraft. Aim to submit.
• Apocalypse Blog –
  • Finishes 31st December 2009.
  • e-book it – need to look at how, where, etc. Also need to decide whether/how much I should edit it.
  • Shorts – short stories showcasing different cast members. Masterson, Jersey, Bree – I think I can do these without any problems. At some point, I might look at the Seekers’ future, too.
  • Merchandise – design and make available (?).
• Other blogfic –
  • Starwalker – a ship’s log, told by the ship. Site is halfway done, planning is partly done, needs some work to nail down cast and details. Posting 2-3 times per week (none of this every day craziness!).
  • A smite-happy angel in a Hawaiian shirt. Earth suddenly cut off from Heaven and Hell. Ahhh, handflappy. Yeah, that’s all I have right now. Tentative name: Earthwalker.
• Short stories – various. Finish that outstanding one! This one is definitely a maybe.
• Do more writing tips posts.

Hmm. It’s a lot, looking at it like that. I get tired just thinking about it all. The first thing I have to do is finish up AB. It’s a struggle at the moment – I still have over a week left to write, and it’s hard to find the time and energy with everything else going on right now.

In my original planning, I had hoped to be having a break right now. AB was supposed to have been finished off in November, leaving me a couple of weeks of December to myself as a break, and then a couple of weeks of planning for the next one. AB would post itself up until the end of the year, and by the time 1st January rolled around, I’d be ready to start posting the new blogfic. Perfect.

Yeah, that hasn’t happened. I’m still writing, editing and posting AB. I’m still rushed off my feet with everything. My head is reeling with everything I have to get done, and I am never going to get everything (anything?) prepared for the next blogfic before the beginning of 2010. Considering how painful it is to write and post with no kind of buffer, I don’t want to start the next one without at least a week or two’s posts in-hand. Preferably two weeks’ worth.

I’m the only one setting these schedules for myself. And you know what? I don’t need to punish myself with them. So I’m going to take January off. I’m going to take that month to do my planning, set up the site/s, build up a buffer of posts, and get myself ready to dive into the rest of the year. I need a chance to get my feet under me before I set off running again.

So that’s the plan. Get through the next week and a half, collapse, then catch my breath and start the craziness all over again. With slightly more planning and maybe a trace less crazy. Who knows?

You gotta try, right?

Apocalypse Blog merchandise

I received an email this week about the possibility of producing AB merchandise, from an Australian-based online serial publisher. They’re setting up a merchandise store for their own web serials, and wanted to know if I would be interested in having AB stuff go on there, too. No set-up fees, no charges, nothing, but I can earn commission on all my merchandise.

It’s an interesting idea, and without seeing anything contractual, looks pretty good. (I need to check into the rights issues, I think.) I don’t mind so much about the money (though some extra is always good!), and I think I can probably get a design put together based on the awesome AB book cover that was done a few months ago.

I’ve been pondering this for a couple of days, and now I throw the question out to all of you: should I do it?

How many people would want (and buy!) an Apocalypse Blog t-shirt, or badge? (That’s what they’re offering to start with – t-shirts (black and white) and badges.) As a guide (I’ll need to check this when I get home), the shirts came out to about $25 and the badges to about $2 (Australian dollars, so cheaper in US dollars). Quality is roughly equivalent to Cafe Press and another store whose name I have forgotten.

Thoughts? Preferences? Considerations? Bite my hand off?

Milestone: Apocalypse Blog’s first birthday!

One year ago today, the first post on the Apocalypse Blog went up. In today’s post, Faith reflects on the intervening period, in the first of two, possibly three anniversary posts.

I keep getting to these milestones and sitting back, feeling stunned as I turn it over in my head. I’m so proud to have made it this far.

When I started out, in my heart, I wanted to run AB for a full year. That’s was my original goal. I wasn’t sure if I could do it, though – I’d never done anything like this before, I didn’t know if I could keep up the pace, and I had no idea if I had enough plot to keep it interesting for this long. I forced myself to take my time, to not rush from one pre-planned plot point to the next. I set a tentative goal of six months, to see how it went.

I think by the time I was about three months in, I knew I could spin it out for a whole year. Still, it’s more than a little amazing to think that AB has been a large part of my life for an entire year. My brain has trouble wrapping around that.

Two weeks to go. One week’s worth of posts left to write. Wow.

Today was the perfect time to go check on the e-Fiction Book Club, where I found that they have put up a review of AB. It made my day. I’m still grinning. It’s the sort of review that makes me bounce.

Thanks to the e-Fiction reviewer (Cassie) for taking the time to read the blog, and thanks to all my readers for sticking with me for so long. I adore you all.

Milestone: 400th post!

Today, the Apocalypse Blog’s 400th post went up! Huzzah! Everybody: dance!

It’s hard to believe there are that many posts, and that the average wordcount per post is still rising. I haven’t updated my little spreadsheet in ages (I really should do that), but they’re usually over 1,000 words these days!

I have about 10 days’ worth of posts left to write (having spent the weekend sorting out a gnarly plotting issue and editing up the next week’s posts). I’m really looking forward to getting my head down and getting those posts written out – there’s so much still to come! Hopefully I can fit it all into those 10 posts!

Fingers crossed, huh? Almost into the final run, my lovely readers. I’m so excited to be getting to the end, even though I know I’ll miss it when it’s done.

Do you want a sneak peak at the end? Here you go: “And then they ate us all.”

No, wait, I have a better one: “And then I woke up and realised I’d been in a coma for a year.”

You don’t want lame? Okay, I shall restrain the urge to give it an ending that will make you want to beat me with sticks. I shall endeavour to not suck! 🙂