24 May 2009 - 11:55 am

A little consideration

…goes a long way. I’m feeling particularly ill-considered this weekend. And particularly ill.

I’ve been so busy lately. Juggling all the pieces I’ve had has been a precarious balancing act, one that I hoped would get easier once my parents were back from their holiday. In some ways, that’s true. I have been able to relinquish a few responsibilities – small things, but they make a difference.

I’ve been running low on energy this week, since being up until 1:30am getting the parents back from the airport on Tuesday night. CFS means that I can’t screw with my sleep schedule like that without paying for it, and I’ve been struggling to get back onto an even keel since then.

Yesterday morning, the last of our furniture arrived at about 6am. I never even heard the delivery guys. Then an hour or so later, Mum decided to assemble the dining table, right outside my room. At about 8:30am, I finally gave up on being able to sleep and stumbled out in my pajamas. She was like a kid at Christmas, finally able to get her house looking like a house, so I didn’t say anything, even when they made fun of me for being all bed-hair. I even helped them put the damn thing together.

I was useless for most of the day. Played a bit on an MMO, watched TV – I was so tired that that was all I was capable of. I had planned to get some chores done, do a bit of shopping so I can sort out my room and writing space, but those kinds of plans fall by the wayside when I get tired like that. 

The weekends are the only chance I get to catch up on my sleep, get rest, and do the stuff that I’m too tired to do during the week. They’re my chance to have something like a normal life with this damned CFS. Last weekend was the first time in ages that I truly took some time off everything, and even then I was doing chores for half of it.

This morning, Mum and my aunt thought it was a good idea to move furniture while I was asleep. Heavy wooden furniture + fridge + tiled floor + really good acoustics = I CAN HEAR YOU PERFECTLY. Right outside my room. At 8am on a Sunday morning. WTF. Who thought that was a good idea?

What kills me is that I’m usually up by 9am anyway. Is it too much to ask for them to just wait until I’m up? Don’t they know how precious those scraps of sleep are for me? 

Now, I’m over-emotional and shaky all over, and a hair away from oh-so-fun chest pains. My room is a tip, I won’t get out to try to find a new desk this weekend, and there is a list of stuff I wanted to do but just can’t face right now. 

Today, I wanted to get some feedback done for a couple of friends. I’ve been pissed off since I got up, and that’s really not the kind of mood I want to be in when critiquing writing. So, I’m sorry to you (you know who you are), but I’m gonna shelve that for now. I might get to it later if I’m feeling more even-headed and less RARR I RIP IT TO PIECES NOW.

There’s so much I want to do at the moment – my novel, the short story I’m partway through, stuff for my writing groups, stuff for this blog, saving for a house. I feel like I’m wasting so much time.  I feel like things are passing me by.

But I’m running on the ragged edge of energy and collapse. I’m scraping past the bare minimum – work, keeping the writing groups running, and ticking AB over – and that has to be enough sometimes. But not all the time.

Ugh. I don’t know what to do with myself right now. Maybe I’ll go beat up the CSS code some more – I could do with something meaningless to do.

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  1. Angel says:

    Sorry you are feeling so bad, Kess. I hope you get the rest you need soon and feel better.

    May 24th, 2009 at 1:45 pm

  2. Ann Somerville says:

    Argh. I’m even more amazed you managed to do that beta work. 8am in Sunday is not civilised for noise making, no matter what *our* damn neighbours think.

    May 24th, 2009 at 5:14 pm

  3. Mel says:

    Sorry, guys, the comments here got bumped into spam. All fixed now!

    Angel – thank you, you are a sweetie. 🙂 Doing much better now!

    Ann – I remember your neighbours! Ah, fun. Your beta reading was done after I’d calmed down a bit, and was a nice break from everything else. Will get to more later this week! 🙂

    May 27th, 2009 at 3:59 pm